It's okay to doubt

Am I good enough? Am I wrong and everyone else is right? Am I making the right decisions? Doubting myself seems to have become a hallmark of my daily life.

There is a constant inner self-critical voice in my head that analyses every thought, feeling, action and choice. It is like my head is a busy court, hearing case after case, but unfortunately, in this court, nothing is decided, the only ruling is doubt. I find myself no closer to answering the questions that the critical voice poses to me. It becomes exhausting, everyone around me seems to have some hold on what they are doing and I feel like I'm the only one who can't find the answers.

But the truth is if you too feel like me, you are not alone. I know from my experience, despite all the commentary in my head and the lack of confidence it bestows, I make sure the world can't see it. I hide behind a different social façade, I choose to portray an image that from the outside, I have two hands tightly grasped on the steering wheel of life. We are socialised from a young age that strength is desired above vulnerability and I worry that people will see this overly doubting self as weak. When you begin to doubt yourself and it feels as though nobody else is, remember: It is often those who seem most solid that are the most fragile, like skyscrapers on poor foundations. You are not alone and you are not weak, you are strong.

I can't tell you how to stop doubting yourself, I haven't worked that one out yet and thoughts can never be fully controlled. But just know that it is okay to doubt, it's part of life. Perhaps it is something in the age of perfection we are too scared to mention. Because doubt is in a way recognising that we as humans do not possess the ability of perfection - and this goes against the perfectionist ideals we are socialised into. However, do not be scared because nothing eases a doubting mind more than speaking about it with those around you.

Questioning Yourself - For fear or change?

Some things never change. The world around us evolves and manifests into something different but the core of ourselves remains ever present; unchanged. My fears seem never to go, at least, not for me. I like to think they have evolved with the world but the reality is they have not, my simple humanistic fears have not changed. I still find myself on cold winter nights, my head is littered with the thoughts of life and all its existential questions. And yes, I know it is futile to debate such things in my head because rationally I know I will never attain an answer; but alas I continue to search anyway.

But maybe searching for answers despite the knowledge that I will not find them isn't as pointless as I think. Yes, I may never know, but if I did not challenge the world in which I live how would I ever progress? Maybe it not about the answer. Maybe it's about the process and the answer is indeed wholly irrelevant. The process of questioning yourself puts you in a state of extreme vulnerability, you cannot hide behind the social self we present to the world. However, it is when we are most vulnerable and our thoughts most permeable, we can think beyond the mundane thoughts of everyday life, we can  think not just factually about our lives but evaluate and analyse them, we are able to look at ourselves objectively outside of our subjective selves.

The information this imparts is very powerful for it is extremely candid and truthful. It is able to find itself into that fearful core. Be we must resist this and look to use this information positively and constructively in order to improve the people we are. This information gives us that most amazing ability to change - but only if we allow ourselves to not be scared but empowered by it